“I just said to Matt [Damon], ‘Losing would suck and winning would be really scary.’ And it’s really, really scary.”
That was Ben Affleck on his acceptance speech on receiving the Best Original screenplay award for Good Will Hunting. Those were exactly my thoughts a few months back on getting married. The sense of responsibility, the commitment, the whole bunch of duties that come along with an Indian wedding is just too much that it seems daunting. I guess, one cannot be prepared for the eventualities even if they knew about it. Yet you make that jump sooner or later in life, cos it doesn’t matter how scared you are. The other person is just as scared as you, probably even more.
These few months into the relationship have taught me many things. It feels like i rediscovered a part of myself. It also felt like i have lost a part of me, but that’s a good thing i guess. But in today’s post, i would like mention about one small thing – “acceptance” (now you see why i started with an acceptance speech? <wink>). There are a lot of things you realize in a marriage – the person you thought was your soul-mate actually has different desires and principles in comparison to you. A lot of small small silly willy fights are part and parcel of life. But little little negativeness has the tendency to snowball into a massive one if they are not kept in check.
So how do you keep them in check? Acceptance. Let me illustrate with a silly incident. You and your girl decide that you are hungry and you would like to have something. You love pani puri and she hates it(girls hate pani puri? like seriously?). You crave for it but she won’t be able to share the pleasure cos she is predisposed to hating street junk food. While pani puri doesn’t fall into that category (according to you) you cannot convince her of otherwise. So what do you do? you accept the situation as it is and try to make the best out of it. Get her to make a fruit salad, cos she loves fruits and you do not have any sorta aversion to it. Make a note in the back of your mind to grab a pani puri later. Problem solved. <Note to Nanditha, any resemblance to people living or dead is completely coincidental and the above example is purely my imagination and not a reference to any past occasion or otherwise>
JK Rowling says that understanding is the first step to acceptance. Well, she is a girl, she can get away with whatever she says. When it comes to guys, in many a case they fail to understand what they consider the focal point of their lives – girls. Understanding is so overrated. Acceptance can happen without understanding, as any happily married man will tell you. What else is maturity but the acceptance of the unknown! Accept things as they are, cos you do not get to even have a crack at the solution till you have accepted that the problem exists.
Once you accept the problem or issue at a conscious level, you are free to look for solutions. You see that petty things like irritation and anger seem to die a quick painless death once you have learned to accept things. You will come to the point where you realize that the person you are getting angry with is worth far more than your anger itself. Your focus should be on leading a happy life, not the fact that you got angry or pissed over an unforeseen incident. At times display of anger may just be a sign of attention seeking. But you are just human and attention is your dope. Just don’t get addicted to it. As i write this, i feel like its my conscious speaking to me. I only wish i listened to it a little more.